Embodied Boundaries: How to Say No with Trust and Self-Respect
Why Traditional Boundaries Don’t Work
When you feel into the word boundaries, what comes to mind? Maybe its a large wall to keep intruders out, lines you wont cross, or a perimeter fence.
For a long time I never knew boundaries were anything other than objects that caged things in or out. Recently, I have come to learn about internal boundaries, and even those sound a lil menacing..but I promise you, seen from the lens of embodiment, they are every womanś dream.
In a recent yoga class the instructor spoke of re-framing undesirable situations into a new light. I am going to in turn re-frame the word BOUNDARIES as something indispensable and completely necessary to live as an Embodied and Sovereign woman.
Let me tell you a little story
Once upon a time there was a young teen(me) who went to her first high school party, found her first mixed drink, had her first experience of drunken camaraderie (ya know when all the drunks are freeends), got black out drunk and lost her virginity, and woke up the next day with her first hangover.
Over the following decade.5 I drank a lot. At times I labeled myself a functioning alcoholic. Other times I was hell bent on not drinking at all for a week or two, then an occasion happened along and my cycle would start all over again. The drinking, the hangovers, the shitty food to make me feel better, the shitty mom I became while hungover.
Signs Your Body Is Saying No
Whilst in this cycle, especially when I hadn’t had a drink for a few days, I would have this inkling of how sacred life was and how naturally drunk on life I was. Then another ¨occasion¨ would pop up and it would begin again. I was tugged under.
Finally my body said NO very abruptly and loudly. Rosacea real bad. Embarrassingly sun burn bad. and I had to listen.
So I sat with my cycle, slowed down, and really dug deep into what was at the core of it.
What I found brought me to tears. The thoughts I carried for so long in my body were
-without booze nothing is exciting
-i am not sexy, attractive, or interesting without booze
-i can not fuck without booze
-i wont fit in without booze
and on the other side of the spectrum I found the truths
-I hate how sleepy I get when I drink and how I miss out on LIFE
-I don’t like being hungover with my kids
-i feel xtra dumb having drunk conversations
-i don’t have to be drinking just because others are doing it
I felt all of it immensely and then I started creating an EMBODIED Boundary.
Embodied Boundaries vs. Performative Boundaries
A boundary that
came from my inner truth and knowing
was sourced from love and not reaction
emanated from knowing my yes and my no
Boundaryś are necessary. They are always evolving because you are always evolving. They create space for your truth to shine. They are a stand for everything you are and everything you are not.
Without your own Embodied Boundaries you are nothing more than a copy of a copy of a copy. Being tugged in every direction but your own. Destined to be taken advantage of. Depleted and Defeated.
So sisters HOW do we create these life-giving boundaries?
It starts with knowing what you deeply want in this life.
How to Practice Saying No with the Body
The next time you are at a crossroads with two ways to go.
And you are feeling a little lost about which path to choose.
Maybe you start writing lists of the pros and cons of each turn.
STOP and pause.
Close your eyes down (if you are in a safe space to do so) and turn inwards.
Imagine walking down one path and notice what your body whispers tell you.
Imagine walking down the other path and notice what your body whispers tell you.
Which feels the most right.
Your body knows what path you need to go down.
Have a listen in.
Trust in your capabilities.
Discover the yes road and root into the rightness of the “no” road. Stand your ground.
Of course in the heat of the moment when LIFE is actually in play things might not seem so simple and maybe you live in a marginalized body where the world feels unsafe ALOT of the time.
Go slow, root deep, ask for help.
Ready to Feel Safe in Your No?
Ready to reclaim your yes and no?
Book a free Embodied Connection Chat and start listening to what your body’s been trying to say.
👉 Book your session now
